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| Massachusetts driver doing warm-up exercises in his driveway before he hits the road |
My wife Liz and I made a round trip yesterday from our home in central Maine down to Portland and South Portland, and back again. We racked up more than 120 miles, including two hours of highway driving and a stint tooling around those two cities.
During all that time behind the wheel, I encountered only one reckless driver. This guy rode my tail while I was doing 75 mph in the right-hand lane of the interstate. He did this until he grew even more impatient. Then he swerved hard and fast into the passing lane, narrowly avoiding a collision. As he raced by at warp speed, I noticed that his car had Massachusetts plates.
Now, I'm not one of those xenophobic Mainers (and there are plenty of them) who believe Massachusetts is one of the circles of hell. I was born and raised in Massachusetts, and I have a deep and abiding affection for my home state. It drives me nuts when Mainers who moved here from Massachusetts say it's not their fault that they were born there.
But Massachusetts does have its shortcomings. Topping the list is its well-deserved reputation for churning out motorists who view road rage as a virtue and driving as a contact sport.
Obviously, that is not an asset. Yet it was oddly reassuring to be reminded that, even in a world of dizzying change, some things remain constant and immutable. They may not always be good things, but at least they are predictable. Massachusetts drivers ("Massholes," in these parts) are as frightening as ever. Forewarned is forearmed.
Sure, I only saw one of them in action yesterday, but I've seen many more of these dangerously wild creatures in their native habitat over the years. This guy was merely an ambassador, a visiting emissary from the land of the crazed road hogs, here to remind us that the enemy is out there.
Some misguided souls claim New York or Rhode Island has the worst drivers, but their contestants are just pikers and wannabes. Rhode Islanders try hard, but they lack the necessary killer instinct behind the wheel. As for New Yorkers, what looks like dangerous driving is, in reality, choreographed, ersatz mayhem. It lacks the unbridled, spontaneous lunacy that is to be found in Massachusetts.
When it comes to breathtakingly awful driving, the champs are undefeated. The title is secure.
Now, I'm not one of those xenophobic Mainers (and there are plenty of them) who believe Massachusetts is one of the circles of hell. I was born and raised in Massachusetts, and I have a deep and abiding affection for my home state. It drives me nuts when Mainers who moved here from Massachusetts say it's not their fault that they were born there.
But Massachusetts does have its shortcomings. Topping the list is its well-deserved reputation for churning out motorists who view road rage as a virtue and driving as a contact sport.
Obviously, that is not an asset. Yet it was oddly reassuring to be reminded that, even in a world of dizzying change, some things remain constant and immutable. They may not always be good things, but at least they are predictable. Massachusetts drivers ("Massholes," in these parts) are as frightening as ever. Forewarned is forearmed.
Sure, I only saw one of them in action yesterday, but I've seen many more of these dangerously wild creatures in their native habitat over the years. This guy was merely an ambassador, a visiting emissary from the land of the crazed road hogs, here to remind us that the enemy is out there.
Some misguided souls claim New York or Rhode Island has the worst drivers, but their contestants are just pikers and wannabes. Rhode Islanders try hard, but they lack the necessary killer instinct behind the wheel. As for New Yorkers, what looks like dangerous driving is, in reality, choreographed, ersatz mayhem. It lacks the unbridled, spontaneous lunacy that is to be found in Massachusetts.
When it comes to breathtakingly awful driving, the champs are undefeated. The title is secure.
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