Many gifts have “Christmas” written all over them: clothing, jewelry, books, electronics, toys — the list goes on and on. But nothing screams peace and goodwill like the goodies in a newly arrived holiday catalog featuring all manner of knives, tomahawks, crossbows and other tokens of affection with a decidedly feisty ring.
There’s a set of swords “that are built to perform,” and three “piercing stainless steel blades” that you strap to your arm, for that intimidating Wolverine look. The “survival spear” measures more than 44 inches from end to end. The 12-piece set of throwing stars features “multiple points to ensure target penetration,” although it cannot be shipped to California, Massachusetts, New York, Indiana, Illinois, Delaware, Kansas and Virginia, for some reason.
And for that special someone in your life, there’s the zinc aluminum “broken bones knuckle guard paper weight.” (No shipping to California, Massachusetts, New York or Delaware.)
Paging through all of this hardware yesterday put me in a festive mood. So when I finally spotted the 36-inch polypropylene cane with a built-in stainless steel sword, I couldn't help myself. “Silent Night” just sprang from my heart. Sotto voce. All six stanzas.
And to think that if I order by noon on Dec. 22, my “Sub Commander mini boot knives” and the “chain whip with 21 blades” are guaranteed to arrive in time for the big day! After all, who wouldn’t jump for joy to discover a set of 10 caltrop tashibishi under the tree on Christmas morning? These multi-pronged beauties let you “train like a true ninja warrior,” the catalog explains, because no matter how they land, “there is always a sharp edge pointing up.”
All is calm, all is bright.
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