Saturday, November 3, 2012

The answer man is ready for all comers

I never thought of myself as The Answer Man, but maybe it’s time to reevaluate that.

Monday morning, as the frankenstorm was barreling up the Eastern Seaboard, I headed out to our riverside trail here in Augusta, Maine, to squeeze in a three-mile walk before the weather worsened. As I stomped along in the drizzle, a man whom I do not know approached from the opposite direction, and stopped dead in his tracks when he reached me.

“Hey, where would I go to buy the cheapest candles?” he asked with that manic I've-been-watching-the-Weather-Channel-round-the-clock look in his eye. "I was going to buy batteries for my flashlights but then I decided, the hell with that, I'll get candles instead. So, where should I go?"


He stared at me so expectantly that I felt he would dutifully drive off to Michigan if that's where I sent him.

“Gee, I don’t know. I guess I’d try Walmart,” I replied. This wasn’t exactly a well-informed answer because I haven't bought any candles lately, I can't stand Walmart, and I never shop there. But it seemed like a safe bet.

“Thanks, bud. That’s where I’ll go.”

I hope if this guy found out that some other retailer undercut Walmart’s prices on candles during the build up to the storm, he won’t expect a refund on the advice I gave him. Of course, considering what he paid for it . . . .

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