Please, thank you, and other anachronisms

When it come to saying “please” and “thank you” while shopping, going to the bank, etc., I’m quite a stickler. Obsessive, actually. I blame it on my late mother,  an unfailingly polite and well-mannered woman who taught her two sons that cleanliness may be next to godliness, but it’s politeness that’s truly heavenly. (“Thank you, mom!”)

So why do I feel like such a dinosaur as I go through life liberally scattering courteous pleasantries hither and yon? The answer, according to a story on National Public Radio’s web site, is that I feel archaic because I am.

“The traditional magic words ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ that many people learn as children appear to be disappearing,” according to the story. “Lisa Gache, co-founder of Beverly Hills Manners in Los Angeles, has noticed the gradual vanishing of courteous language,” which she attributes to “the predilection toward all things casual in our society today. Casual conversation, casual dress and casual behavior have hijacked practically all areas of life, and I do not think it is doing anyone a service."

The story notes that “other polite phrases also seem to be falling by the wayside. ‘You're welcome,’ for instance. Say ‘thank you’ to someone these days, and instead of hearing ‘you're welcome,’ you're more liable to hear: ‘Sure.’ ‘No problem.’ ‘You bet.’ ‘Enjoy.’  Or a long list of replies that replace the traditional ‘you're welcome.’ Instead of saying ‘thank you,’ people say ‘got it.’ Or ‘have a good one.’ Or, more often, nothing at all. And in lieu of saying ‘no, thank you,’ reactions such as ‘I'm good’ are increasingly common.”

Gache says such responses “do not carry the same sentiment or convey the same conviction as when we are sincerely expressing our gratitude or thanks. They feel less invested, almost as if they are painful to utter under our breath.”

"Simple things that we took for granted as children no longer seem to count," Gregory E. Smith, a psychiatrist and blogger in Augusta, Ga., told NPR. "Saying please and thank you, asking permission, offering unsolicited help, and following up on solutions to problems are no longer as important."

"Go through any drive-through at a fast-food restaurant in America,” NPR quoted Smith as saying. “Go through any checkout line in a grocery store. Stand in line at a convenience store. If you are very lucky, the person waiting on you will make eye contact. Maybe they will speak. More likely, they will hand you your drink and bag while looking back over their shoulder, never even acknowledging your personhood much less your status as a customer.”

So, there you have it. Thank you for clearing that up, NPR. Oh, and to those of you who enjoyed this excursion into old-school civility: you’re welcome.