Following my periodic visits to the state where I was born and raised, I like to fill you in on how Massachusetts drivers are faring in their quest to retain their Worst Drivers in the Known Universe title. (Short answer: no worries on that score.)
During my most recent trip south from my home in Maine, I noticed a new phenomenon on the highways of the Bay State. The deadly drivers of Massachusetts continue to weave in and out of traffic at 85-90 miles per hour, narrowly avoiding collisions in some cases. (One guy cut in front of me with what looked like about three feet to spare as he barreled his way across several lanes of fast-moving traffic to reach an exit.) But the latest twist is that many of these kamikazes are now coupling their suicidal antics with something entirely unexpected: turn signals.
Thanks to this innovation, other motorists get a good 2 or 3 seconds notice before mayhem descends upon them. It's as if these lunatics attended a court-ordered remedial driving course but the only takeaway was "use your turn signals," a lesson they have now melded to their repertoire of highway hijinks. Speeding, tailgating, ignoring road signs . . . they're all okay as long as the road hog compensates by using turn signals for all supersonic lane changes, to sort of balance things out.
"I refuse to drive safely," these goofballs seem to be saying, "but you whiners have nothing to complain about anymore, because now I let you know when I'm about to do something idiotic."
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