Keeping my mouth shut and my ears open

During the warm-weather months, I take my two-mile-a-day stroll outside, maybe in the neighborhood, or on the riverside trail that runs parallel to the Kennebec River. I stick to my routine as much as possible during the winter as well, but the snow, the ice and the frigid cold invariably conspire against me, so I always seem to break down and join a gym from late December through March.

The main reason for doing this, of course, is to use an indoor track during the worst that winter has to offer, when walking outside is out of the question (although our dogs are oblivious to my complaints in this department). The ancillary benefit is that I get to overhear rude, crude or weird pronouncements that should have been left unsaid.

Being a quiet, introspective sort, I tend to keep to myself at the gym, unless I see someone I know or a stranger strikes up a conversation. But gyms tend to attract gregarious types who love the sound of their own voices, so there's plenty of opportunity to hear things that are unintentionally humorous. Take yesterday, for example. In the course of an hour or so, I picked up the following tidbits.

"Too much information" department

Woman in the sauna, to no one in particular: "I'm sweating so much that my ear bud won't stay in my ear." (Thank you ever so much for sharing. I always love being updated on Sweaty Ear Syndrome. Still, I suppose it's better than the people who discuss invasive medical procedures in restaurants.)

"Ignorant and proud of it" department

Man in the sauna, to a woman who attempted to discuss a history book she is reading: "I never read any of that old shit." (To paraphrase George Santayana: "Those who ignore old shit are doomed to repeat it.")

"Women and their vapors" department

Man in the locker room, to a buddy: "I'm going to see True Grit but it's not a movie for girls because there's some rough stuff in it." (Never mind that the heroine of the piece is a brave, independent-minded and inspiring 14-year-old-girl, although I'm pretty sure this guy was using "girls" as a synonym for "women.")

On any given day, I suppose I'm fully capable of saying something that is equally inappropriate. But we introverts are so preoccupied with restraint and propriety that we remain silent in public, more often than not. Erring on the side of caution can have its advantages.