I went to a big-box store the other day to buy disposable gloves and was headed for the checkout when I bumped into the clerk who had pointed me in the right direction when I first walked in. This time, she noticed that I was wearing a T-shirt from Gettysburg.
“Gettysburg!” she exclaimed. “Ive been there.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. It’s just a big field with a bunch of monuments in it.”
I was too taken aback to come up with a useful retort before the clerk, having demonstrated that she should not quit her day job to write travel guides, wandered off to do whatever it is big-box store clerks do when they aren’t ruminating on such subjects as hallowed ground at American shrines. Obviously, her trip to the site of the three-day battle that was the turning point of the Civil War wasn't the learning experience it could have been. Perhaps it wasn't sufficiently Disneyesque. Or maybe she spent her visit glued to her iPhone, trolling for Kardashian updates. "Fix bayonets!"
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