How to get a driver's license in Massachusetts

I've mentioned before in this space that I love my home state of Massachusetts, even though I haven't lived there in more than 30 years. But facts are facts. And as I was reminded yet again during a visit last week, the fact is that the driving habits of Bay State motorists leave something to be desired. Well, not something, exactly. More like everything.

If the following question isn't on the driver's-license exam in Massachusetts, the road-rage capital of New England, it should be. Here's the scenario. You are driving in the left lane of a highway. Another driver is about two car lengths ahead of you in the right lane. Both of you are approaching a point on the highway where the two lanes merge. As the driver in the left lane, you should:

a) speed up and force the other driver onto the shoulder, so you can get ahead of him and reach your destination five seconds earlier;

b) speed up, give the other driver the finger and force him onto the shoulder, so you can get ahead of him and reach your destination five seconds earlier;

c) speed up, lean on your horn, give the other driver the finger and force him onto the shoulder, so you can get ahead of him and reach your destination five seconds earlier;

d) speed up, spew a string of expletives at the other driver, lean on your horn, give the other driver the finger and force him onto the shoulder, so you can get ahead of him and reach your destination five seconds earlier.

That's right! The correct answer is (d). Congratulations! You are now licensed to operate a motor vehicle in the Bay State. And if you remember nothing else from your driver's ed course, remember this: tailgating is like any other skill. Practice makes perfect.