Cyclists commandeer walking trail, pedestrians genuflect

It was a beautiful day here in Augusta, Maine, last Friday. The sun shone after several days of intermittent rain. As I walked along the bank of the Kennebec River, hugging the fence that separated the wide, paved trail from the river to my right, I gazed into the sun-dappled waters and felt a sense of tranquility settle over me.

It was at precisely this moment that a male voice behind me screamed “ON YOUR LEFT.” Seconds later, a cyclist decked out in a blindingly bright yellow jacket raced by at warp speed, far too fast for a walking trail. Apparently he was enjoying a reverie of his own as he tried to fulfill a Tour de France fantasy that treats walkers as "pedestrian" creatures whose job it is to stay the hell out of his way.

This happens all the time.

Here’s the thing. The section of trail I was on is perfectly straight. As a result, the cyclist saw me for at least half a mile as he approached from behind; he and I were the only people on that stretch of the trail. In the course of that observation, he saw that I never veered to the left, but always clung to the right edge of the trail, alongside the fence. He knew, therefore, that my walking habits were completely predictable, that I posed no threat to him and that there was no need to warn me of his advance by shouting at me like some drunken storm trooper. Yet he felt compelled to do so anyway.

Bikers will argue that safety warrants shouting "ON YOUR LEFT" whenever they approach any pedestrian from behind. By that logic, all motorists should honk their horns whenever they approach any cyclist from behind, because even a cautious and sensible biker may suddenly become erratic and crazed. All cyclists pose a threat to all motorists, right? Cyclists would view such a one-size-fits-all attitude as hostile and excessive, and they would be right.

I’m going to adopt a new defensive posture in these situations, which occur all too frequently. Instead of fuming quietly if I’m walking alone, or making disparaging, profanity-laced remarks about narcissistic cyclists if I’m walking with my wife, I’m now going to respond to all shouts of “ON YOUR LEFT!” with “ON YOUR RIGHT!” If that causes any bikers to stop and complain that my comment was loud, rude and unnecessary, I’ll simply point out that I was just following their example.